Round two...But not without kicking and screaming!

Well today was our first meeting for beginning our second adoption process! I have to be completely honest here. For the last month or so I knew it was coming to the time we would start pursuing adoption again. I really struggled in my own heart to make the call to schedule our appointment for intake. Not because I don't want to adopt more kids, but because just thinking of everything made me feel so overwhelmed...It was like flashbacks were coming to me of all the process and "stuff" it all entails to adopt. I kept kinda putting it off and putting it off...People began asking the questions, "So have you guys started the process?", "how are things going?", "have you called yet?" etc etc...And in my mind I'm like "no, but I need to, but I don't really wanna (whaaa)"...Basically kinda dragging my feet kicking and screaming against what God really is calling us to do...

Here's what happened; comfort set in. Normalcy set in. Routine set in. Yep, that's it: Selfishness set in...Now some reading this might say, but Wendy there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, maybe you shouldn't adopt. Oh let me just clarify, that the whole kicking and screaming is because I do know we need to walk again in faith and see what God does. I liken the feeling to: Being a missionary in a foreign country. You love America, the food, the comforts of a home, the conveniences that flood our lives...But you've been called and burdened to go to Africa to work in 3rd world conditions, live in homes with dirt floors, sleep in heat over 100 degrees every-night, eat food that takes about a month for your stomach to get over the initial cramping and vomiting...Bugs and you name it!! But you know, you know, you know, that you have to. You just have to...If you don't someone else will and will reap the blessing you will miss out on by obeying God's call.

See, the joy is in obeying God's call, he will give you what you can't muster up on your own as you faithfully walk in obedience. Hmmm...Don't think Abraham was too excited about sacrificing Isaac, but he obeyed and God blessed his faithfulness and obedience by allowing him to kill a ram instead! Most of what God calls the believer to is not easy, but hard, and if you are a believer and life is easy, ask God to put a passion in your heart for his calling on your life, our lives should not be easy as believers and I say that knowing that we all deeply desire a "easy" life hence why I am blogging on the subject myself.

Well, God is faithful when I am not. It was a Saturday two weeks ago. I was at a clothes exchange. Ran into an old friend, and we exchanged our "life" story in a matter of 10 minutes or so (including our recent adoption)...After she walked away a pretty young gal about 25 years old with a son approached me and said, "I overheard you talking about adoption. I was a foster child all my life, what you are doing is really great, there's so many kids out there without families." I asked her if she ended up ever being adopted, she said, "no". Um okay thank you Lord, little episode from the Lord in the midst of my kicking and screaming.

Same day 4:00 pm birthday swim party for a dear friend turning 40. Saw a young girl about 8 years old. I noticed a horrible burn on the little girl's elbow/arm. I decided I had to know what had happened to her. So I asked my girlfriend. Now if God wasn't trying to break my stubbornness right here I don't know what would of. "Oh" said my friend, "She is a foster child, my friends are fostering her and her sister." So of course my interest and passion is sparked at once, already ignited from the earlier morning at the clothes exchange. I find foster mom and dad(also believers)and from there I endured listening to a little girls story of horror. Molested repeatedly by four different men, verbally abused, physically abused, and recovering from a about a 5 by 5 inch burned elbow/arm dunked in a boiling pot of water on the stove.

Um Okay, let me clear my throat...And what Wendy? You say it's hard? Oh waaaahhhh...Gag me. (sorry I disgust myself sometimes)My stress, my hard days? Nope sorry, that did it! Let's weigh out who's life is harder?? I think the verdict is in...but awe, Lord my comfort, my routine, my already chaotic life will get even more chaotic!! Soooo....What the Lord was doing was reminding me of my selfishness, my life that I was letting the "world" pollute. What James warns in 1:27 when he penned "27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I truly had not kept myself from being polluted by the world!

Hey, I know I'm being hard on me, but I'm the only one who will be hard on me! Oh except for my hubby who usually will agree with me when the Lord is confirming something of his will, he will feel the same way and we know it's from the Lord. But when I had said to him , "Babe what if we waited till next year to pursue adopting" he said "why?" I didn't even know what to say...I had no good reason...And he didn't even agree with me! See I was trying anything and everything to get out of obeying God (like Jonah and the whale~running)...But this all has a happy ending.

I knew the call would be made after such a emotional day. As I drove home that evening I had tears in my eyes because that passion I had not so long ago, was sparked! I was praising God that he knew what I needed to be obedient to his call on our lives, I needed to be faced with my passion~hurting children. Well you can guess what I did on Monday :) Yep set up that appointment! And today we met and again, I can't explain it, but God's grace is awesome! I don't have any uneasy feelings, no restlessness, no more kicking and screaming. I know and am at total peace to walk one day at a time as we faithfully pursue the chosen children God has waiting for us. Of course God can close the doors at anytime, but right now we "walk"...They remain open and we "walk". Not by sight, but by faith as God does whatever He's going to do. And I can honestly, wholeheartedly say without any hesitation, that I am excited once again. SO I'm rolling up my sleeves and ready to labor for my God! Let's go Lord!!

NOT REASONS WE ARE ADOPTING:(Hope you read that right, NOT Reasons we are adopting)

*We want to be like Angelina and Brad (can't stand this, we get this ALL the time)

*We are super parents

*We are totally equipped to handle foster kids

*We are confident

*We are fearless

*We are filling a void

*We have so much time/money

*We are in need of adoration

*We want to draw attention to ourselves

*I'm bored


REASONS WHY WE ARE ADOPTING:

*Because God uses us, the weak and broken to use for his kingdom building

*We kinda like kids (ha ha) and have a passion for hurting children

*We are called by scripture to "care for the orphan"

*The world wants to see how the GOSPEL makes a difference in our lives

*I need to have more reasons to keep me close to the "throne of grace"

*Our children are watching

*God adopted me through a sacrifice of love

*I want to laugh more

*I want to fill my minivan seats/they are being wasted right now

*God will calm all of our fears, unknowns, feelings of inadequacy, and give us the grace we depend upon for parenting more lambs!

*I am thankful to Jesus for changing my heart!

*Going crazy isn't all that bad :)