Why Does "A" Do What She Does?

So I started reading this book called "Toddler Adoption" by Mary Hopkins Best (The Weavers Craft)...So far I'm liking it. I came to this poem/letter in the book and was so convinced that my smallest daughter wrote it herself, but then I remembered, she can't write :)...No, really though, so beautiful and precious and also an encouragement to know "it's normal" to be experiencing this with her and my husband especially. We have come to the conclusion, that "A" has not had healthy male bonding, which is of no surprise. She does seem to be very comfortable with women. Actually too comfortable to where we have had to intervene and help her understand she is not allowed to just throw up her arms to any woman that comes along and says "hi" to her. Bless her precious little heart. She is actually learning to be a bit more discerning, however, not as much as she still needs to be. We know that by God's grace and time she will begin to know that she no longer needs to seek attention or safety from anyone outside our family circle. We love this little lamb with a tender love and as I type this poem out, I just know I will fall into tears again as I did last night when I first read it. It helped me to understand her heart a little better and actually it's what I had discerned early on as to why she was doing some of the things she did. Reading this just confirmed to me even more the need to really help her as she heals and learns to trust that we will never leave her.

"Please learn as much about me before you decide
to be my mom or dad, so you won't be surprised about me.
Don't think of me as a helpless infant, even though I may not
yet be able to do all the things most kids my age can do.
Don't treat me as if I'm older than I really am just because I
act as if I don't need you to take care of me,however. When I
push you away is when I need you to hold me and tell me that
you will never let me go. I had to learn to do many
things for myself before you came into my life, and it's hard
for me to learn to depend on you as much as I should. Please recognize
and help me with my special needs, but remember that I am still
a lot more like other kids than I am different. See me first as your
child, not as your adopted child or a child with special needs.

Sometimes I feel really sad and really mad. Don't' pretend
that I don't have these feelings, and don't get discouraged
when I take out my strong feelings on you. Most of the time
I am not really mad at you, but you're the one who's here now
and the one I can safely show my feelings to. I know in my heart
that you didn't do anything to hurt me, but I get all mixed up.

My memories of other moms and other places where I've lived
are all in my mind, but they're stored in pictures, sounds, feelings
and even smells. I don't have the words to talk about these things.
I can't figure out why that other mom disappeared, and I'm worried
that you might go away, too. I often have to test you because it's
hard for me to believe that you won't leave me, too. In fact,
it's pretty scary for me to love you and trust you, so I might
have to test your love the most when you start to feel important to me.

Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and be a little baby again
so someone will take care of me. Other times I want to do everything
myself and i feel like running away from you. Please be patient. We
have a long time together. After all, the really worthwhile things
in life usually aren't very easy and they don;t happen overnight."

Oh Lord, Thank you for the privilage and honor to be the one you might use to show your little lamb, your sweet created little girl whom you formed in her mother's womb for this time and purpose that you might in turn one day use her to glorify your name!