"Will you please forgive mommy?" (For the fifth time today)

So I was really starting to feel discouraged...Discouraged at the fact that I have been gifted four beautiful children and yet I feel as though I do not deserve the privilege of raising them and being their mother...Now don't get me wrong I am ever grateful and I wonder how God could ever use me to bring Him glory, but He has chosen to, so I won't argue :)...I love being a mommy and I love that this is what God has called me to, I enjoy my children, I even want more...But sometimes I just feel insufficient for the task...I feel like most of the day I am going back to ask forgiveness for my wrong attitudes, sinful responses, impatience, and so forth...At the end of the day I was feeling like, "God, why did you call me to be a mother, I feel like such a failure daily, how are my children seeing Jesus in me at all?!"

Then the Lord encouraged me and oh the ways He does is soooo beautiful...I was listening to a audio CD by Carolyn Mahaney and her three daughters...It's a two part series called "MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS". As I was listening my eyes welled up with tears as I turned my eyes to heaven and thanked him for what He knew I needed to hear...

The woman on the audio Cd was sharing how we were called by God to be mothers (if you have children or will soon)...No one else was called to be our children's mother...We were called specifically and individually! If He has called us to be our children's mothers, then He will give us the grace to grow us as a mother to be more like Him. But what stood out to me was when she shared that every mother is a sinner ("All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God")...So if we are called to God's standard of patience, kindness, gentleness, etc, well...We've failed it, his word says so...(Thank Jesus, who saves us from the punishment of our sins!)Well, this wasn't news to me, I KNOW this, hence why I've felt so discouraged, I'm reminded daily of my need for my Saviour!! The part that stood out in all of this was when she shared that we will sin against our children...We are all sinners living in one home together and we all will sin against each other (don't worry I promise I'm getting to my point)...It's when we've wronged our child and we go to them and ask their forgiveness that we are actually "modeling" the gospel! If you didn't get that, let me repeat myself! Asking forgiveness models the gospel! WOW WOW WOW! This was sooo huge for me, this brought me great hope and encouragement...Here I'm thinking that BECAUSE I was asking forgiveness so often that I was just a big failure and how sad that I can not be that example I so badly want to be for them. When really, God was teaching me that when I do fail my children (or anyone for that matter) that asking their forgiveness is displaying the gospel message to my children, this is the example I should long for them to see!...It's showing them that Jesus makes a difference in how I see my sin toward them...It's saying to my children it is NOT OKAY to sin against them, because God takes sin seriously. It is modeling before them meekness, humbleness, and the love of Jesus...Are you encouraged yet!?? God redeems our sins, He redeems our sins for His good, in the lives of our children and in our own lives as mommies! He redeems our wretchedness! Have you ever noticed the sweet bond that takes place after a moment of restoration with the child you've offeneded...He/she is that much more bonded with you because of that moment! How can He do this? It's so beautiful!

Now this is not a ticket to go on sinning and just carelessly asking forgiveness, of course not! We should be always seeking to be more like Christ and looking for ways to die daily to our flesh by putting scripture to whatever situation we're in at any given moment. But as long as we are mothers this side of heaven we WILL be sinning against our children and we will have the opportunity to "model" the gospel by returning to our children in humble spirit to repent and ask their forgiveness. Be encouraged! I AM!