One of the Most Heart-Breaking Days in Our Adoption Process

(random Image from the Internet)

When we were in the process of adoption (before we had the little ones)...I would surf the Internet checking out blogs of families who have adopted and you tubes of homecomings...I remember the "feeling" in watching the videos and wondering how it would be and how it would feel when God chose for us our children and we were going to meet them and visit with them for the very first times.

One thing that I wasn't prepared for was the "transition period". This is the back and forth time to the foster home picking up the little ones for a couple hours one day, all dayers, all nighters, weekends...Anyways back and forth, back and forth for approx two weeks it went for us. What I wasn't prepared for was the reality of what this looked like. You enter a home, and in this particular foster home it was a single woman(about 40 years old) who had six children she was fostering (including our two) all ranged from ages 2-9 years old...The home was very clean and tidy and she took good care of the children. So it went, that one particular morning (Probably about the 3rd time), a sweet little african-american boy who was about 6 years old named "N" of whom I had been giving hugs and smiles to him every time I entered the home, had approached me and said to me with a humble, head to the ground little mumble that said, "Can I come with you?"...I raced in my head for a more than "no" answer, but all I could come up with was, "sweetie you can't". UGH!!!...My heart just died for a moment inside of me. It was at this moment I saw the reality of what was going on! I thought to myself, "Wendy this little boy doesn't understand, he wonders aren't I someone you want to take home??" He didn't understand all the "behind the scenes" work that was done to adopt "A" and "J"...He figures we just walked in and picked these two kids out of all the rest of the forgotten lambs in the home. He asked again in humility, "Why can't I come with you?"...And you have to understand it wasn't the "bratty" "Wahhh I want to go too!!!!". It was, "I want you be my mommy and daddy too please". Again, I searched for some "comforting" way to say "no" he couldn't. Oh, but let me tell you, my heart wanted to take him and be his mommy and show him the grace and mercy he needs so desperately.

So I went out to the car where my hubby waited patiently and shared with him what had just happened. I told him it was the same boy who asked me if I wanted to snap a picture of him while we met our children for the very first time. My husband knew exactly who he was...I said to my husband, "That was one of the most devastating things I have ever encountered. Leaving the little tyke to wonder "why I didn't "choose him""...I so badly wanted to go run back and explain how it all works and that I wasn't "rejecting" him like all the others had done in his life. My eyes well with tears even now as I type...So my husband said to me, "call, find out what his situation is"...So I did call the social worker, but no answer :(...I felt it was God saying, "now's not the time"...I asked Foster Mom what his situation was and if his mom and dad are trying to get him back? She said his mom and dad used to come, but they stopped meeting him for visits two years ago....Can you even imagine (maybe you can for some of you who have experienced a form of abandonment)??!! Completely forgotten by both parents, ugh, my heart aches!! Needless to say I pray for "N" regularly and ask God to make a way if there is a way for him to be adopted by a precious family who will point him to the Father who never will abandon him again.(I'd love it to be my family)

I wanted to share this detail of our adoption not to make you all sad and weepy, but to share the "realities" of adoption and the process and things we as a couple never imagined experiencing. I understand NOW why whenever I see blogs of HUGE families who have adopted, why they have so many adopted children...I get it...Once you start you don't want to stop!